Me and Adrian had a massive argument today, he was angry I didn't get any sleep last night and that I was still sleeping when he got back, and I was angry because he blames me for not being able to sleep at night.
On the plus side my doctor changed my antidepressants to Prozac! The wonder drug! Apparently it makes you feel so good that people get addicted to it and never want to get off it. I can't wait! I have to take 10mg less of my current antidepressant for 5 days, then I have to have 5 days without antidepressants (eek!) and then I can start on the wonder drug that will take at least 2 weeks to work.. so basically I'm going to be suicidal and very very depressed for at least 24 days (thats what the tablets and the doctor said anyway..). Not looking forward to that part but the doctor did give me 5 strong sleeping tablets which should actually send me to sleep this time, the last ones made me hallucinate and didn't even work.
I set up this dating site for my mum and she had a huge amount of hits and emails, but this one man in particular I really like and want to be my dad! He's called Simon, he works for the council taxes or something, he's nice looking for a man his age (43) he has no hair but I think he shaves it off, he's funny and he likes coronation street like my mum! My mum keeps making me pose as her to talk to him because she's too busy or too lazy, it seems creepy but what he doesn't know can't hurt him! I hope they do end up together, I like him! He can be super dad! I can go out shopping with him (he said in one of the emails he doesn't mind going shopping with women!), he can buy me clothes! (hopefully..) and we can have giant pretzels and green slushies together! And he won't leave because he's good for my mum and my mum and him will love eachother and get married, that will leave other dad pushed out the picture and Gracie can think he's her real dad! Perfect! That way mum will divorce dad and we'll never have to see him ever again! And if he does show up Simon can beat him up! I hope it does happen!
I keep thinking a lot about Eversley Road lately, I loved that house, it was my dream house! I have this dream of buying it back when I'm older and decorating it the way I want it. The living room would be aubergine coloured and the couches would be grey or black or brown. The basement would have those special racks for wines that could grow to be years old and sell for profit, the garden would have plenty of pretty flowers planted with maybe a fish pond! The room that used to be mine would eventually be my teenage childs room, and they can have the same amazing memories I had in it. It's like a spell has been cast on me and all I can think about is that house, I also have this weird thought of the name 'Jack' I think it's because I have a nightmare before christmas poster on my rooms door but I think it means something more then that.
That's the trouble with Adrian, we have nothing in common when it comes to dreaming and weird ways of thinking. Adrian just thinks everything is the way it seems, whereas I have a deeper meaning of everything. I want to find someone passionate and weird, and I know theres no way of Adrian ever being like that.
All this could be the depression talking again, mum said it was. It feels like I've woken up though and realise what I want in life. I want to be a nurse for children and help teenagers with depression, I want to live in Eversley Road and redecorate it the way my dream home would look, I want to find a passionate, weird, hopefully rich (!) and funny guy that would share my interests and dreams, and I want to have lots of children (well maximum 5) that I could spend my years baking for and training them to be good people. It seems so sensitive and small for me, but it really does sound like paradise for me.
At least I know what I want out of life now.
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